After pulling into the grocery store parking lot, I parked my car and started to cry. I asked the Lord to forgive me, and help me be more compassionate to other people.
I'm here to pick up my son's birthday cake and then go home to clean the house, but I have no drive in me to get out of the car.
My heart was ripping in two and I couldn’t see past the disappointment I held against myself.
The Lord had opened my eyes to see what a wretch I was!
Wiping away tears, I called out to the Lord, asking Him to give me another chance to show love towards someone in the community.
I had missed my opportunity the night before and my remorse was great because it filled me with a daunting realization of my true self.
I lacked compassion when it mattered most.
I Responded Wrong in a Time of Crisis
Does anyone ever wonder how they will respond in a crisis?
Well, my suggestion is to prepare yourself now. Because I wasn’t prepared. Emotionally or physically.
As I sat in my car, on this day, my eyes filled with tears once again.
It was beautiful outside and I would’ve enjoyed this little shopping excursion after my long teaching day had my heart not been so heavy.
I was just so disappointed in myself!!
On this particular morning, I had taught my Kindergarten Class the Biblical story of The Good Samaritan, and the whole time I was teaching them this Bible story, I couldn't help but think, I was nothing of a "Good Samaritan" yesterday...
Feeling guilty, shameful and a little sorry for myself, I lifted a prayer unto the Lord again, asking Him to help me.
“Lord, please forgive me... I’m sure you noticed my response to the situation last night... and I am sure you were disappointed in me…”
Please give me another chance to show your heart of compassion towards someone in need, and help me pull myself together for my son’s birthday party tonight.
As I lifted this prayer to the Lord, my heart softened before Him.
Then, I noticed a lady up ahead pushing a cart full of groceries in a frantic way.
“Awww,” I thought. “She can’t find her car.” Poor lady.
I have been in that exact position before - lost in a parking lot!
Seeing this lady jolted me and I jumped out the car and headed towards the grocery store to pick up the birthday cake.
As I walked, I asked the Lord to help that poor lady find her car.
Then, I came to a halt right outside the grocery store door – I had forgotten my purse!
Ugh! Back to the car I went.
And there was that lady again.
“Oh my goodness, that lady still can’t find her car!”
Only this time she was walking across the parking lot in the opposite way then when I had seen her before.
She was really lost!
My heart was deeply moved and I was determined to take action this time.
Compassion and boldness fueled me.
“I am going to help her find her car!”
I Seized My Chance to Show Compassion
After grabbing my purse, I called out, “Ma’am!”
The elderly woman was twenty years my senior, beautifully dressed and manicured, with about six bags of groceries in her cart.
Bewildered and confused, she turned towards me.
“Ma’am,” I said, “are you having a hard time finding your car?”
“Well,” she said, “I know it is around here somewhere.”
“Let me help you find it.” I said with determination.
“Oh no honey,” she said as she tapped my shoulder, “That is ok, you don’t have to do that, I will find it.”
With a determined, and compassion-filled heart, I said adamantly, “No. I am going to stay with you until you find your car.”
She resigned with an, “Ok,” and we kept walking across the parking lot.
While we walked, she told me the color and make of her car.
I began scanning the rows ahead of us.
After a few minutes, she became nervous because the search was taking a while and she told me to just go ahead with my shopping.
Then, she turned to me and said, “You aren’t going to leave me until I find my car, are you?”
“No,” I laughed, “I am not going to leave you until you find your car.”
I felt so bold and empowered by my earlier heart-felt prayer, and slightly in awe that my prayer to show someone mercy and compassion was answered so immediately!
We eventually found her car and I was able to pick up the birthday cake before the party without incident. Thanking the Lord all the way home for another chance to express His heart of compassion to someone in need.
He is teaching me His ways, and I want to be a good student!
He had given me a test the night before, and I failed, I know I did.
Thus, the anguish of my heart.
I failed to show compassion towards someone in need, causing my eyes to see what I was truly made of and what I was lacking.
Now I want to change.
I Witnessed an Accident the Day Before
When I wrote this blog post, I was working two jobs: a kindergarten teacher by day and an office administrator by night.
This schedule equaled to working 50 hours a week.
On this particular week, I was facing a tremendous amount of pressure and grief:
One of my kindergarten kids were expelled
My co-worker at my office job quit and I had to pick up the slack
I was putting on a birthday party for my son the following night
I was planning two surprise birthday parties for my husband's 50th
And a surprise get-away vacation
So, the story picks ups here, I'm traveling home from my office job, but have to stop by the grocery store to pick up a roast first, and I'm very, very tired.
I'm extremely exhausted and cynical of everything and everyone with every passing second.
This is the state I found myself in when a scene unfolded in front of my car while driving to the grocery store.
It took me a moment to realize I had just witnessed a woman get hit by a truck while crossing the street at a busy intersection.
She was talking on her cell phone and didn't see the truck turn left, and the driver didn't see her walking across the road.
Putting my car in park, I ran to her side.
“Are you OK?!!”
She was screaming and moaning in pain.
The man who hit her was screaming, “Where did she come from??!!”
I tried calling 911, but my phone wouldn’t process the call.
Go figure.
Running back to my car, thinking that maybe standing next to my car would help my phone work better, but it didn’t work.
I didn’t know what to do.
The call to 911 wouldn't go through. I was so frustrated.
“How can I be of any help if I can’t even call 911!”
Then, I was like, I really don’t need this right now. I have so much to do. This lady wasn’t paying attention to the traffic. She seems to be fine, she isn’t going to die. Now my car is blocking all the traffic and my phone is frozen and I can’t even call 911. Ughhhh!
I just want to go to the store and go home.
By this time, several people had run up to the scene, including a lady that looked at me with disgust.
She rushed right to the side of the woman in pain and rubbed her head and told her everything was going to be OK and help was on the way.
By then, a crowd of people had gathered and I asked if someone else could call 911 because my phone wasn’t working. Then I stood there, frozen.
I didn’t know what to do.
This lady who came out of nowhere sure knew what to do and she held nothing back. She was on her knees in the middle of the intersection soothing the injured woman.
Whereas it appeared to this lady and maybe other bystanders that I was just standing there doing nothing… because I was.
My cell phone had locked up in emergency mode and wouldn’t work - and I was locked up too.
Exhaustion was overwhelming me and this rush of adrenalin was just too much.
Guilt didn’t seize me until later that night when I rehearsed the events that lead to the woman getting hit by the car.
Then I couldn’t erase the disgusted look of the lady from my mind.
She had seen through me.
There wasn’t an ounce of compassion in my heart towards this woman who was hit by the truck and this lady had noticed.
Isn’t this awful!? I felt awful!
The lady’s disgusted look popped up in my mind again and again, sending chills down my spine.
I knew I had missed my moment to shine for Jesus.
Being a Christian woman AND a pastor’s wife, I should’ve been moved with a heart of compassion towards this woman.
I could’ve prayed with her.
I could’ve soothed her like this other lady.
I could’ve told her everything was going to be OK.
Anything but standing there thinking this was ruining my evening.
My grief was so great I almost called in sick the next day.
But it seemed self-serving and that made me feel worse.
“Am I only looking out for myself”, I thought?!
The Lord must be SO disappointed in me!
The Good Samaritan
My kindergarten class loved the story of The Good Samaritan, and we ended up putting costumes on and enacting the story out several times. It was really cute.
Each student wanted a chance to be the robber who beat up the Jewish man and left him for dead. LOL.
Then all of them wanted a chance to be the High Priest who says, “I am too important to help this hurt Jewish man.”
And let’s not forget the other man who walked past the Jewish man. He was a Helper in the temple.
He walked by the Jewish man and said, ”I will leave this hurt man for someone else to attend too.”
And you know what? Not too many students wanted to act out the part of the Good Samaritan.
I wonder why? Could it be because helping others goes against our nature?
It’s not fun to help other people sometimes. It ruins our plans, our dinner, and even takes up OUR TIME!
Our human nature is to look out for ourselves. Do our own thing. Protect our own time.
Going against human nature is going against the stream, so to speak.
The Good Samaritan went against his human nature, and against the stream.
He helped a Jewish man whose people were enemies of the Samaritans.
Then he poured out his own oil and his own wine over the wounds of the Jewish man.
Putting the Jewish man on his own donkey then walking to the nearest inn.
Paying for the Jewish man’s care and his stay at the inn with his own money.
Even visiting the Jewish man a few days later to check up on him and pay for any debt he had incurred during his stay at the inn with his own money.
We need the love of Christ working in and through our lives and hearts in order to go against this strong urge to look out only for one’s self.
My healing has taken weeks and the shame is just now starting to go away.
The disgusted look on the lady’s face is fading with each passing day.
Why?
Because I have learned a big lesson about myself: I lack compassion for others.
Now, I know how to pray.
Something Had Changed in Me
I began to notice something different about the way I was thinking, like something had changed dramatically.
At my son's birthday party, my dog bit me and left a horrible sore on the top of my right hand.
The children in my kindergarten class noticed the boo-boo right away and prayed for me - it was SO cute!
After a week or so, there was considerable healing. The bite area was still discolored but the flesh had a noticeable change.
I was in awe at our skin’s ability to heal itself. It is like a super power.
How come no one makes a bigger deal about our ability to heal so naturally?
Then a memory verse came to mind while I was meditating on this.
In Bible class I have been helping the kids memorize Psalm 23.
Ever read it? I’m sure you have. Ever memorized it? You should!
This chapter depicts the Lord as our Good Shepherd, and we as His sheep.
He leads us, as His sheep, and He guides us to green pastures, even leading us to still waters, and placing us on the paths of righteousness.
Healing Oil Poured Forth From Heaven
The chapter goes on to tell us that He leads us through the valley of the shadow of death, and comforts us with His rod and staff.
Then He anoints our head with oil and our cup runs over.
The chapter ends with this statement, “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
The Lord, Our Shepherd, leads us and guides us throughout our days.
He even leads us into situations, to test us and prove our character.
He comforts us when we realize our inadequacies and our shortcomings.
Then He anoints our head with oil - bringing healing.
And our cup runs over with the goodness of the Lord.
He doesn't let our sores fester.
Just like the Good Samaritan poured his oil and wine over the Jewish man’s wounds, the Lord was pouring His oil and His wine over the wounds of my heart bringing healing and comfort.
The "boo-boo" on my right hand has healed for the most part, but there will always be a scar where my dog bit me.
But guess what?! I will never grab my dog in a fast way when company is over ever again. Lesson learned - big time.
My Mended Heart of Compassion and Healing
The Lord is healing my emotions as He anoints my head with His oil, but there will always be a scar where the wound was open and sore at one time.
Lesson learned on compassion and healing: I will never look over another person's needs ever again. Especially, if it is within my power to help.
Now my desire is to be more prepared. To be more watchful. To be more considerate.
My heart has been SO softened.
I look at people differently now.
Crises can happen at any moment, yes I know. People will have needs at any moment, yes I know.
Will I be ready to step up? You betcha!
I will be prepared next time. I will be ready.
I WANT to be ready.
I know I will because I have been changed.
My phone will work next time - that issue has been fixed. Thank goodness.
My heart will respond next time too - that issue has also been fixed!
No matter where I am -in the middle of an intersection or in the middle of a parking lot at the grocery store- I will go against my nature and become a Good Samaritan.
I want to display a heart of compassion the Lord would be pleased with.
Oh, may we all come to know the goodness of the Lord through His heart of compassion and his healing power!
The wounds of my heart weren’t noticeable by anyone but me -- but the Lord has poured His oil over my head to bring healing, and now my cup of gratefulness runs over!
Hopefully it is spilling over into your heart even as you read this blog post!
Prepare your heart now to lay down your plans at a drop of a hat for the sake of someone else - you never know when that day will come!
And, please, oh please, do not be like me and wish you were any other place except in the presence of someone who is in need.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, (Luke 6:31).
“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
Pictures of the birthday parties below!
When I took these pictures I didn't know they would end up on my blog post so no one is posing!
My son Isaiah turned 23 on May 4th, 2021 and our whole family was there to celebrate. During our meal, Isaiah's Bible Study group surprised all of us and joined the party! Here they are in the living room watching Isaiah open his gifts.
Below is a picture from my husband's 1st birthday party! The 2nd birthday party followed a Sunday morning church service. He was TOTALLY caught off guard and very surprised!
***Please note our first grandbaby, Levi in the pic below. He is being held by the Pop Pop while Papa opens his birthday gifts.
Blessings to you!
Much Love ~
Angie
The Founder
of My Sun & Shade Ministries
